inklingfair It’s been a stormy week, both literally and not: Typhoon Rolly spared Metro Manila, but Ulysses came on its heels and drowned large swathes of Rizal and Cagayan Valley, next door neighbors to both my parents’ hometowns. Our yaya Jing notified us that her agency wanted her back to honor her service contract in Qatar, just as I’m slowly transitioning back to work. My daily standoffs with Amy over meals and bedtime have gotten worse, I’m stressed over Amy’s school applications, and Daniel developed an angry rash and a habit of early morning fussiness after weeks of smooth sailing. Top this off today with the man in Malacañang’s vitriol-fueled rant against the Vice-President and red-tagging of the entire UP community, and —
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds? You mean like the blues?
Holly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul: Sure.
– Breakfast at Tiffany’s
No — I do know what I’m afraid of: Erosion of my sense of purpose, loss of control, and doubts about even trying to regain them. No surprise there. I envy people who can be out and about because they live in places where the virus is contained. (Precariously, but still…)
Holly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there.
I don’t have a Tiffany’s to go to; all I have are my k-dramas (recently leaning towards fusion sageuk), my home-cooking projects with Jing, weekly community gatherings on video call, and the very rare pockets of conversations with Josh.
Holly: If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then – then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!
Too bad our building doesn’t allow pets. I should have a cat.
Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash
