inklingfair It’s been a juggernaut of a month. When Andrei called me end of April for a huddle on the narrative tool he was going to present in Chiang Mai, he was in a funk and I think some reverse osmosis occurred because I went into a deep trough for the entirety of May. A very unpleasant experience, prepping for HH while in a state of existential dread.
There were some high notes: All That We Loved and No Math School Trip, the Geekfight comeback with the Explorers, the DR meeting in Bali (even if it made me miss the EXO-SC fancon, someone who deserved it more got to enjoy it in my stead). It was just the right time to zoom out and reevaluate the org’s and my own priorities.
But June was a reckoning. Right after HH (which was great, especially Marian Pastor and beers in the fog of E. Lopez Center’s balcony) and Baekhyun’s concert, the kids and I got this nasty virus all in the same two weeks, and I’m still not out of it. My circadian rhythm is messed up, I’m having the worst time trying to work, and nothing — not the new EXO teasers, not the meds, not chocolate, not endlessly scrolling on Twitter nor re-watching Ladder — is making a dent in a way that matters. Maybe community, maybe me writing this in an effort to snap myself out of this miserable rut. Even Josh is so exasperated he’s doubling down on making me coffee every morning and making sure I’m out of bed before he bikes to the shop.
Now that’s out of the way, some updates:
- I’m quitting Human Nature for now. Under the three-day RTO week, I’ve been feeling iffy about my teammates not having the same WFH privileges as I do — and beyond my being vocal about supporting an output- (not office day-) based working system, there’s not much I can meaningfully do about it. I do have more pressing reasons to step back, however (see second point).
- I’ve decided to spend more time helping Daniel through his first few years. I don’t think we can realistically send him through more days of therapy a week, but at least I’ll be able to support him at home. (Right now I’m still in the process of mapping out goals and milestones; I’m in a messy headspace, but we’ll get there!)
- There’s still DAKILA, and the community. I think that’s a given. I don’t know how the regional hubs are going to look like when 2025 rolls around, but hopefully they’ll be in much better shape than in 2022.
- Tatay has been very stubborn lately. He’s had some concerning gastro symptoms and Nanay has been on my case to try convincing him to get a checkup, but he weaseled out of a scheduled colonoscopy at the last minute last week, and I’m at a loss for what to do. What if he has colon cancer like Ida? Am I going to find out only when he’s on stage four or worse? I wish I knew what to say to make him go. But he’s always said he wanted to go fast. No prolonged hospital stays, just *snap*. Which is why he drinks like there’s no tomorrow. We’ll probably go sometime in July to pay him and Nanay a visit (and hopefully physically make him get that checkup). Maybe if he sees the kids he’ll change his mind.
Well. I’m ringing the bells that still can ring. Yesterday it was the relief of finding out I just got my period weeks early rather than some weird spotting (possibly because the antibiotics fucked up my hormones). Also successfully finding a teeny bowtie for Daniel despite hating being at the mall. Today it’s remembering to pick up Amy’s dress for Luis and Aitana’s wedding. It’s also having sibot for lunch and reminding myself I did well by doing groceries earlier in the week. This afternoon I’ll be meeting up with the team to announce my departure, for the second time. I hope it won’t be too hard on them. It’s already hard enough for me.
There is a crack, a crack in everything
Anthem, Leonard Cohen
That’s how the light gets in.
Thumbnail: Pexels.com
